THE BIDET - A DIRTY MYSTERY SOLVED

Admit it. It's ok. No one will laugh. You're confused about the bidet. You don't know what it is, what it does, how to use it, or why anyone would want it. I'm sure you've exclaimed "What the heck is that!?!" when you first saw one. Perhaps you've never seen one. Perhaps you've seen one but didn't know how to use it. It's alright, me too. Let's clear the air. It's not a drinking fountain, it's not a urinal, its not a pet toilet. It is a personal hygiene fixture that is far to often forgotten.

Bidet is pronounced /bi' dei/ in America or /bi:dei/ in Canada and the UK and it is a french word for pony - well actually from the Old French word bider, or to trot. Yup, you "ride" a bidet like a pony and that means the rounded part is at the back AND you know where the term "trots" comes from. Your still safe. No one has to you know you're reading this. If you want to know more about the history of the bidet, a simple Google search brings up a plethora of hits. It comes in a family version which has special nozzles for female washing.

A carefree bidet experience

Let's get the hard part out of the way:

  1. The bidet is for after toileting. You can use toilet paper and the bidet after, if you choose.
  2. Hang your below-waist clothing on a robe hook. Being the life of the party should come from being funny, not funny looking.
  3. Straddle the bidet by facing the controls. It is easier to adjust the flow and temperature this way.
  4. As with an separated shower or bathtub faucet, start with gently turning the hot water on and adjusting the cold water tap to suit. Cold is turned on first in hot climates. Bidets have a high flow rate, so be careful.
  5. Even though the bidet does not have seat like a toilet, you may sit on it and adjust the flow rate to suit your needs. I trust you know where to adjust yourself to be most effective. If the bidet is a sink fill type, you will need to get - um - your hands dirty. Use soap.
  6. Turn off the bidet and dry your skin. Some bidets will have a feature to air dry.
  7. Wash your hands as you would after usual toileting.
  8. Re-dress and get back to the party.

Types of bidets